


Valentine's Day

by AmaranthPrincess21



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aromantic Marco, F/M, Multi, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 14:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3451073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmaranthPrincess21/pseuds/AmaranthPrincess21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“God, what would I do without you and your easy-going attitude? I love you, Marco.” I feel like I’m going to throw up. I <i>knew</i> this was going to happen and I know I have to come out but I don’t know how to do it. How am I supposed to lead into this? Or do I just outright say, “Hey, I’m aromantic so I don’t love you like that but I do really care about and appreciate you?” What the hell am I supposed to do? “Marco, are . . . are you okay?” she asks. The sparkle’s out of her eyes and I know my silence is unnerving her. I can’t blame her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Valentine's Day

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second contest entry for DA User Captain-Fan's Valentine's Day Contest

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow and I should be excited, right? It's a day full of chocolate, fancy jewelry, and most importantly, love. I mean, that's what this whole holiday's about, right? Showing your love for your significant other. It's one of the most anticipated holidays of the year and from the way everyone acts it's the end all be all of holidays, right after Christmas and Thanksgiving. My siblings are looking forward to giving out Valentines to their class, my parents are looking forward to having a date night, my girlfriend is excited for it. It seems like everyone's excited. Except for me.

I've never liked Valentine's Day, to be honest. I think dedicating a day to love is excessive. Why should we dedicate a day to something you should celebrate and cherish every single day of the year? And I don’t like the emphasis on romantic love as if it’s the greatest thing in the world. But maybe I’m biased. Maybe I just don't like Valentine’s Day because I don't feel romantic love for anyone. I mean, I care about my girlfriend [First] a lot and I would absolutely commit to her for the rest of our lives, but I don't feel any romantic attraction to her. I don't feel romantic attraction to  _anyone._

When I started dating [First] I wasn’t completely sure if I was aromantic. I knew I really cared about her so when she asked me out, I said yes and we’ve been dating since. It’s been almost a year now and I mean, things have been pretty good. I love spending time with her, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, but I know now that while I love her as a friend, I don’t love her romantically. Things have been getting more serious between us. We’re spending more time together, we’re going on more dates, we’re having more sleepovers, and to be honest I’m completely terrified of the moment when she decides it’s time to say, “I love you.”

How am I supposed to react to that? She’ll expect me to say it back and don’t get me wrong, I love [First] a lot as a friend but I can’t lie to her and say I love her in a romantic way. I know I should have ended the relationship when I figured out I was aromantic but I love having her around and I didn’t want to make her upset and feel like I’ve been playing her this whole time or something. But now it’s our first Valentine’s Day together and I’m supposed to be getting things ready in my apartment for when she comes over but I honestly just don’t want to do that. What if she decides this is the time to say “I love you?” 

I know I can’t keep this up and I know this is selfish of me but I don’t want to end my relationship with her. [First] is someone I really care about and I like being with in a sense, but I just wish we didn’t have a romantic emphasis on us. As sketchy as it is, maybe we’d be better off as friends with benefits. I  _will_ come out to her and hopefully we can work things out, but I can’t do it today. It’d be awful of me to tell her I don’t love her as a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. I’m going to do it next week and I’ll sit her down and be completely honest with her. She deserves that and I’ve been awful to her because I haven’t been honest and haven’t come out yet. 

The doorbell rings and a few moments later the door opens. Sometimes I wish [First] wouldn’t do that but it’s not like I can stop her from doing it. You tell her to do something and she does the opposite.  

“You really need to hide your spare key better,” she comments, joining me in the kitchen. I chuckle, giving her a warm smile. She’s got a way of brightening up a room just by being in it.

“You know, you could have waited for me to get the door,” I tell her. 

“That would have taken too long. And it looks like you’re busy anyway,” she adds, looking at the bowl of  frosting I’m trying to make. “What are you making? “Cream cheese frosting for some red velvet cupcakes,” I reply. 

“Sounds great,” she says with that perfect smile that makes me excited and nervous all at the same time. But maybe I’m just feeling that last one because I’m so on edge. “I had no idea what to give you so I just got you some candy,” she tells me, pulling a huge bag of candy out of her purse and putting it on the kitchen counter. 

“That’s okay, I didn’t get you anything fancy either,” I admit, gesturing to the small box on the table. “You can go ahead and open it, if you want; I need to frost these cupcakes and then they’ll be d -” 

“We don’t have to frost them,” she says. Her arms snake around my waist and she buries her face in my chest. “We’re grownups here, we can just dip the cupcakes in it.”

“I don’t know how clean that is but if it means we’re ready to eat now, I’m all for it.” She chuckles and looks up at me, [e/c] eyes sparkling. “God, what would I do without you and your easy-going attitude? I love you, Marco.” I feel like I’m going to throw up. I _knew_ this was going to happen and I know I have to come out but I don’t know how to do it. How am I supposed to lead into this? Or do I just outright say, “Hey, I’m aromantic so I don’t love you like that but I do really care about and appreciate you?” What the hell am I supposed to do? “Marco, are . . . are you okay?” she asks. The sparkle’s out of her eyes and I know my silence is unnerving her. I can’t blame her. 

“I . . . I . . . [First], we need to talk,” I say, exhaling and trying to get a hold of my breath. My heart’s painfully racing and the nausea is just getting worse and worse. 

“What, you don’t love me?” she demands, eyes bigger than saucers. If she cries I don't know if I can live with myself.

“No, I do!” I interrupt. The last thing I want her to think is that I don’t love her at _all._ “I mean, I love you as friend. I -”

“You love me as a friend? We’ve been dating for nearly a year!” [First]’s look of sadness changes into one of pure anger, her eyes full of fire as she glares at me. She pushes me back as she breaks our hug.

“I know we have! I, just. I’m aromantic, [First]!” The words pour out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I love you as a friend but I can’t love you romantically. I can’t love anyone like that, I -”

“So you just led me on?!” 

“I meant to come out to you but I didn’t know how, and I -”

“How could you do this to me?! I thought you were a decent guy! I thought you cared about me!” 

“I do care about you, I really do! But -”

“You know what? I’m done,” she says, throwing her hands up in the air. “This is over. Why should I stay with someone that doesn’t love me?” How dare she say that?! I know she’s hurt and I understand that but that’s a low blow and she knows that. She knows I love her in the few ways I can.

"If I wasn't aromantic you know I'd love you like that!" I argue.

"Oh really? Somehow I doubt that," she spits back at me. 

"Look, I really care about you, [First]. I really do. Should I have come out to you sooner? Yes. Is this my fault? It is and I’m not going to try and blame anyone else for this but me. But I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt you, especially -”

“So what, you were just going to -”

“Hold on, I wasn’t finished!” I hate it when she gets like this. When she’s so caught up in an argument she never lets anybody finish anything. “I didn’t want to come out today because I knew you’d be devastated and my point is that I know this is my fault, you don’t have to tell me, but don’t say I don’t care or love you because I do, [First]. I care about you more than anybody else in the world and I love you, just not in a romantic way. But if I could feel romantic attraction to someone, you know I’d feel it for you. You’re amazing and I care about you a lot.” I can't believe this. She _has_ to know I really do love her and care about her. I know she's upset right now and that'd completely valid, but it's like she doesn't understand that just because I'm aromantic doesn't mean I don't care about her at all. I love her, I do, but just not in a romantic way and it hurts that she can't see that. 

“If you really cared you would have come out to me as soon as you figured out you were aro,” she seethes. “You don’t really care about me and don’t even try to argue that you do."

“Have you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?!” I say, exasperated that she's just not getting this. “I know what I did was wrong and hurting you wasn’t my intention.”

“Yeah, well the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” she says darkly. I’ve never seen her look like this before. So angry and like she could kill me at any moment. “I don’t care what your intention was. I don’t care if you love me like a friend. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who will never love me like I love them, even if they’re incapable of loving someone. I love you Marco, I do, but I can’t be with you like this.” 

“I . . . no, I understand,” I tell her. I just want this to be over. I don't want to fight her anymore. I love her but there's no way she can see that right now. I want her to but it's beyond her right now. And besides, this relationship is a two way street. If she wants out, she's got a right to leave. “I understand.”

“I’ll see you around, I guess,” she grabs her purse and before I can tell her goodbye, she’s out the door.


End file.
